Dauber's Chicago Blog

The Gallery of Altered Red Eye Boxes

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 01:34:00 +0000

last updated: April 12, 2009

Wow. It's been over a year since my last post here. I figured now would be a good time to introduce "The Gallery of Altered Red Eye boxes.

For those of you unfamiliar with Chicago's local culture, the Red Eye is a free daily paper made by the Chicago Tribune, and there are boxes all over the city where you can grab 'em; there's also a Saturday edition that's subscription-only, providing you can grab your copy before someone swipes it. The Red Eye is considered a pretty hip paper to read during your morning commute.

But anyway, on both sides of a Red Eye box you will see the word "FREE" spelled out in individual stick-on letters. Now, in a city of nearly three million people, you're bound to have some wiseasses among the population, and those wiseasses realize that stick-on letters plus wacky sense of humor equals fun. I like to take pictures of these alterations, especially because many of them can disappear at any given moment.

Please let it be known that I merely photographed these altered Red Eye boxes; I personally have never altered any. Just too much effort for a guy who has a life. Having said that, let's get on with the Gallery:

"PEE" is a common alteration. It's simple: you just remove the "F" and chop off a leg of the "R." The alteration pictured here is outside the Walgreens where Broadway, Ridge, and Bryn Mawr meet. The best "PEE" I've seen so far was on a box by the Blue Line station at UIC. It was beautiful. It read, "PEE???" Sadly, that alteration was gone the next time I walked by with my camera.

Here is a slightly more thoughtful variation of "PEE," reading "I PEE." I don't remember exactly where this box was located, but I think it was on Broadway in or near the Edgewater neighborhood. Or it might have been on Lincoln Avenue in Lincoln Square. Don't remember for sure.

Another one whose location I don't recall, but I think it was somewhere in Lincoln Park, most likely near Fullerton. Any ideas who "JAK" is?

This is an example of what I call a "botched alteration." I don't know what happened here. Perhaps the glue wore off on the letters. Maybe the alterer was spotted and subsequently ran away. Or maybe whoever did this just found it too hard to be worth the effort and gave up.

This is probably what the previous botcher was trying to accomplish: "REEFER." This is a tough job: you need BOTH of the "FREE" stickers on the box to do it. Thankfully, I had my digital camera handy that day! I believe this one was on Armitage somewhere between Clark and Halsted.

Hard on the CTA?

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 20:06:00 +0000

huh huh....I said "hard on"...huh huh....that was cool! huh huh....

*ahem* sorry...anyway...

I guess I've stirred up a mini-controversy recently. A week or so ago, there was a mention in Kyra Kyles' "Going Public" column in the RedEye about bus drivers taking unauthorized breaks with passengers in the car. The article was basically a Q&A with a CTA rep, and said rep said that drivers do have scheduled breaks but not during a route.

Well, to make a long story short, I posted this video on YouTube (details are on YouTube), and e-mailed Kyra and gave her a heads-up about it. She included my brief e-mail to her in this past Wednesday's column. Suddenly hundreds of people watched the video. I got many positive and neutral comments and a few negative ones that make me think that I might have caused a mini-controversy. One commenter mentioned "15 minutes of fame." Naaah, that's not what I was after -- hell, I was a radio broadcaster for about five years, so I already had my 15 minutes!

Anyway, I'd like to take this opportunity to both defend my own negativity and cite further examples -- and also to laud the Chicago Transit Authority, as believe it or not, they actually do things right sometimes!

Bad Experiences
Like many Chicago residents, I've had my share of aggravation from the CTA. Yes, I've been blasted before and I'll probably be blasted again for (God forbid!) saying not nice things about the CTA, but I give them 75 dollars a month to provide a service as promised, and that's what I expect. Hell, people pay less a month for cable and if one thing not right happens, they threaten lawsuits, have hissy fits, you name it; I just raise my concerns.

You can start with threats. Quit threatening to reduce service, especially on the South Side where they already have squat in terms of mass transit options. Quit threatening your people's jobs. Quit threatening to make people pay more for less service. Yeah, I know, doomsday was averted, but I won't be surprised to see the bitching and moaning later on. Don't even tell me that with all the people jamming your buses and trains that you don't have enough money.

Bus Drivers
Don't even tell me that bus drivers are perfect -- especially the one who ran over that lady who was removing her bike from the rack. Here are a few things I've seen first-hand:

Unauthorized breaks. I wasn't on the bus at this time, but I was walking down Lincoln Avenue, and I actually saw a #11 bus, with a lot of passengers, pull over at the McDonald's at the intersection of Lincoln and Fullerton. The driver got out, so I decided to just hang around out of curiosity and see what happened. The driver actually went into the McDonald's, and minutes later came out with a bag of food (if you want to call it that), ran back into the bus with it, and drove away. Add to that my personal experience from February 16. I wouldn't have minded (or is it "mound"?) if the driver would have announced that he had to run in the store because he was dying of thirst or something, or even lied and said, "My dispatcher is asking me to go in and make a call" or something, but the thing is, people have things to do and places to go. I certainly did.
Chatty drivers. On the same day that I videographed the driver on his unauthorized break, I was on the #22 bus when, at one stop, the driver recognized a friend of hers and the friend's young daughter and decided to just sit there and chat. Minutes went by. As they were chatting I saw the Montrose bus pass by. That was the bus I was supposed to transfer to at the next stop, but it was too late. (I figured I'd just get off at the stop and start walking and just grab the next Montrose bus to go by. I ended up walking the entire rest of my trip. Not that I don't need exercise, mind you!) I was about to speak up when she closed the door and the bus pulled away. The chattiness is also common during the morning rush on the #84 bus, when the driver takes a few moments to chat with the newspaper vendor.
Where's the bus? Bus schedules are merely suggested times. Especially at night, when you'll wait 90 minutes for a Clark bus that's supposed to come by every 30 minutes.

L
You'll notice that I have actually not too many complaints about the buses. The trains are my main peeve.

The Red Line schedules are not year-round. When the cold weather hits, somehow the rush hour is no longer very rushed at all. Before my office moved downtown, I worked in Lakeview and had a 20-minute train commute. That included switching from the Red Line to the Brown Line and a roughly five-minute wait on a bad day. Well, on one particularly cold day (seven degrees), I got on the Red Line platform at 8:30. My train commute was the usual 20 minutes. I got to work at 9:35. Red Line trains are scheduled to come by every five (or fewer) minutes during the morning and evening rushes. You do the math. Just last week when I was waiting for a train, I heard an announcement saying the next train was going to be express to Sheridan. Then when my train arrived, they announced it was going to be express to Addison. (Why are there express trains? Right -- to catch up because of train delays!) I loved going express to Addison, as it made my trip pretty zippy, but boy, did I not want to be among the masses I saw standing at Lawrence, Wilson, Argyle, and Berwyn!
Unexplained slowdowns. Explain to me why at 8:00 in the morning the Red Line passes between Sheridan and Addison at about 20 miles an hour, but at 4:00 in the afternoon it's about three times faster. There have been times when I'd leave my Red Line stop on the North Side at 7:30am and still be late for my 9:00am shift downtown a block and a half away from the Red Line stop.
Balance the damn volume of the announcements! In one car the announcements can be so loud that your eardrum blows out, while in the next one they're so quiet that they might actually be silent and you might be hearing sound leakage from the next car.
Emergency doors. Hey, CTA -- panhandling isn't an emergency! How about putting alarms on the damn doors so that if someone goes through the door, it's assumed that it's an emergency, and an alarm sounds? I'll betcha that'll cut down on panhandlers.
Odors. The Blue Line and, at night, the Red Line is full of 'em. Hey, CTA -- Febreze is pretty cheap and it'll last for several trains. USE IT! There's no reason I should get in an empty train at Howard and smell death (and see Chee-tos all over the floor).
More train lines! Just to give you an idea...Someone living in Edgewater and who needs to go to O'Hare via mass transit has to take a 92 bus to Jefferson Park and wait a while for a Blue Line train...either that or take the Red Line all the way downtown and transfer to a train on the slow-zone-infested Blue Line. Just to go due west. How about a train line that goes to Hyde Park? Or a Pink Line stop close to United Center? In New York City, for comparison's sake, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a subway station -- and their trains are FAST (you can go from lower Manhattan to 71st Street in under ten minutes -- I've done it) and soundproof. Yeah, you can take a bus, but what about rapid transit?
Yellow Line. Who the hell wants to go to Skokie? Especially if the train doesn't stop at Old Orchard! I guess it's useful if you want to get out of Skokie, though. And what's with that ridiculous waste-of-paper-and-ink station map in the Yellow Line?

Okay, enough bitching, now for the....

Good Things About CTA

Does the New York subway system have advantages over Chicago's L system? Yup. The MTA subway (and elevated lines) are all over the city, everywhere you go. However, CTA has only a small handful of train lines, and they're limited in their scope. You can go to an MTA subway station and pay for your fare with a credit/debit card; can't do that at a CTA station. MTA trains are pretty soundproof -- you can actually hold a conversation with someone, but forget it if you're going through the State Street, Dearborn, or Logan Square subway and you want to have a conversation or perhaps listen to your iPod. New York subway trains are lightning-fast, too, while CTA blames its slow trains on deteriorating rails that are much younger than those of MTA.

Having said that, CTA has some significant advantages. The trains and stations are cleaner -- even on the Red and Blue Lines! The CTA announcements are much clearer, as opposed to the muffles in the MTA subway. When the doors on a New York subway train are about to close, you hear two unpleasant off-key blips and a creepy clownlike voice telling you, "Staaaaand clear of the closing doooors!" On CTA trains, you hear two notes of a (possibly synthesized) bell carillon, followed by a voice very candidly saying, "Doors closing." Rides can be cheaper -- in New York, the fare is two bucks across the board; no fast cards, no nothin' (except perhaps for student, senior, and handicapped discounts). CTA has $1.75 fares via Chicago Card, $75 unlimited monthly passes, $5 all-day passes (MTA has this, too, but when they first rolled it out it was a complete disaster), weekly passes, etc. And dammit, when Chicago has the Crosstown Classic, it truly is a subway series -- you can take the Red Line from one ballpark to the other (and going through the entire State Street Subway), while New York's excuse for a "subway series" isn't quite so direct; it involves some complex transfers. And you can see some pretty interesting things in CTA's elevated trains. I'm sure you can on the MTA's elevated trains in the outer boroughs, but through Manhattan, you just see....darkness. Yuk! And rats.

CTA has -- or used to have -- the "blessed train" on the Red Line. That was nice -- getting in the train on the way to work and hearing a pleasant voice telling you that you're "on the best train 'cause it's the blessed train," telling students to study hard so they can be successful, etc.

Ride the #147 bus and see Lake Shore Drive how you can't see it if you're driving. And a lot of times it's much quicker than the Red Line.

Dig the view of the skyline as you're riding between Armitage and Sedgwick on the Brown or Purple Line, and tell me that's not worth the fare.

CTA Holiday Train. 'Nuff said.

In fairness, with the exception of Hyde Park, everything worth going to in Chicago is easily accessible via CTA vehicles.

I think I shall end this post abruptly.

Suburban shootings

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:29:00 +0000

You've all heard about the shootings at Northern Illinois University. What might not have caught the attention of those outside the Chicago metro area is a similar incident at a Lane Bryant store in Tinley Park, in which a gunman opened fire on six people, killing five of them.

What irks me is a letter that appeared in the RedEye, the free daily paper that the Chicago Tribune puts out. The letter was from either Dana Hardin or Donna Hardin of Chicago, and this person, in a nutshell, says that there was a racial dividing line in terms of the reactions to each shooting. Because the gunman at Lane Bryant was black, everybody wants his head on a platter; but because the gunman at NIU was white, people immediately jumped to the conclusion that he went on the shooting spree because he was off his meds.

Give.
Me.
A.
Break.

Do we all want the Lane Bryant gunman's head? Hell, yeah. Why? Because he's a threat to society. There were six victims, and there's a chance there can be more in the future from the same guy.

What about the NIU guy, though? One thing Ms. (or, if it's Dana and not Donna, then possibly Mr.) Hardin seems to forget is that the NIU gunman offed himself, so of course we're not calling for his head! Would we be if he didn't? You'd better believe it.

D[a/on]na Hardin also writes that mental illness is just an excuse, and even goes so far as to explicitly include post-partum depression. Wow. You're not going to win any female friends like that.

Were people sticking up for the NIU gunman? Well, in a way, yes. He did have a serious mental problem that he was being treated for. He went off his meds and went nuts. And people who knew him were in shock. He was never expected to be the kind of person who would go on a violent rampage on a college campus. Not his friends, not his former professors...no one.

So why does the (white) NIU gunman seemingly get a lot of sympathy while the (black) Lane Bryant gunman has a price tag on his head? Again, because he's still out there and a threat to the community, and answer me this, Ms. Hardin: who is the Lane Bryant gunman? What's his name? What's his background? Does he have any diagnosed mental afflictions? Is he a former Lane Bryant employee who went on the loose wig just as the NIU gunman was a former NIU student who completely lost it?

What's that?? You don't know?? Oh, that's right, you don't! Nobody knows who the Lane Bryant gunman was, ergo we know nothing about the guy (other than that he's a black male). Gee, kinda like how the TSA agent at the airport doesn't know me yet goes through the precaution of screening me and making me take off my shoes just to make sure I'm not going to try to blow the plane up.

Just deal with it, okay? We don't care what color the guy is. The fact is, he could be dangerous.

The Chicago Machine is still alive!

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:26:00 +0000

I went in person to register to vote at 69 West Washington before the original deadline. The lady at the office looked at my application, which I had downloaded and filled out ahead of time, and asked for my driver's license. She took my license, copied down the number, made a photocopy, and told me to check for my voter card in the mail. I was in and out in a matter of seconds. Wow! There must be a catch!

Heh...indeed, there was.

This past Friday, I received an envelope in the mail from the board of elections. Was it my voter card? Noooooooooooooo. It was a letter informing me that my registration did not go through because my application was missing some information, specifically my driver's license number.

Okay, now go back and read that first paragraph again.

What's wrong with this picture? One of my coworkers suggested that perhaps I voted against Daley at some point in my life. Well, that's not true, because I never voted in Chicago...partly because the city wouldn't LET me vote.

Oh...and what's more...the letter, which I received on Friday, January 18. And I work full-time, which means I didn't get the letter until after all the offices had closed. And the letter informed me that I had until January 22 to register.

Guess what I spent my lunch break doing.

I love Chicago, but if the entire government went up in flames, I'd be a very happy man.

CTA isn't all that bad.

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 06:17:00 +0000

Well, it's that time of month again: time for the Chicago Transit Authority to threaten to cut service, fire people, and increase fares. Yeah, we've heard this all before on more than one occasion, and it gets old. And yes, as recently as, oh...today...I had a train door shut in my face when I was trying to board the Brown Line. But you know what? The CTA does have a good side. The following pictures from the past holiday season are proof. (The timestamps are an hour off -- my camera didn't subtract an hour when we went back to standard time.)

On December 20, 2007, the CTA Holiday Train was doing the Red Line route northbound at about 6:30pm from where I work. I happen to get off work at 6:00, so I stayed late for a few minutes to ride the Holiday Train. It's really a nice thing. Here it is arriving at the Harrison stop:

Here's a bit of what the inside looked like:

Another angle of the inside of the car...

Windows are frosted with winter designs...

The usual ads you see near the ceiling were replaced by fake ads, including this one for "Northstar Bucks Coffee."

More fake advertisements...

The Holiday Train is completely decked out in Christmas. Christmas lights everywhere, Christmas music piped in over the PA...even the seats had Christmas-themed upholstery.

Due to switching or signaling problems, we were delayed at Belmont, so Santa stepped off his car to pose for pictures with customers.

Really, if this isn't enough reason to give CTA a pat on the back, then I don't know what is.

The O'Hare Guy Revisited

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 07:03:00 +0000

You may remember my prior post about the "O'Hare guy," who recorded those announcements played over the PA at the airport. You know, with the unmistakably thick Chicago accent. I have no idea who this guy is, but...well...he RULES!

Since we last paeaned the O'Hare Guy, he had three known recorded announcements. Since then, he has had at least one new one, but his "It is illegal for transportation companies to solicit rides..." warning was taken over by a woman's voice; you're lucky this blog exists so we can keep the O'Hare Guy's original announcement immortal.

His new announcement (well, sorta new -- I heard it several months ago but didn't manage to record it until now) warns customers of limitations the TSA is enforcing about what you can bring aboard the plane. Sorry about the noise -- they put up a !@#$ing Starbucks (as if we needed more of those damn places) right by the gate where I was waiting for my flight, and someone decided to turn on the espresso machine during the announcement.

Here's the (latest) complete O'Hare Guy Collection:

Happy holidays, O'Hare Guy...whoever and wherever you are!

A Chicago retro TV site you NEED to visit

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:41:00 +0000

Do you know where you could go at York and Roosevelt Roads to "always save more money"?

Remember Harry Schmerler, your singing Ford dealer? (Or do you have a wife who's not a native of the Chicago area and doesn't believe that such a person ever existed?)

Do you miss Snoopy as the "Zinger Zapper" in the Dolly Madison commercials aired during Peanuts specials?

Then you NEED to go to this site:

www.fuzzymemories.tv

It's an great online museum of local Chicago TV from 1990 and before.

It's yet another reason I wish I could convince my wife to let me put a computer in the bathroom. (Sadly, none of the commercials with Snoopy.)

The Master Doesn't Approve

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 20:57:00 +0000

This past Friday night my wife and I took in the penultimate performance of "Manos" The Rock Opera of Fate at the National Pastime Theater uptown. Because the show's final performance has already passed, I realize that it's too late to say this, but...if you missed it, you didn't miss much -- you would have saved the $15, so use that to buy a Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVD instead; you'll have an enjoyable performance to watch whenever you want.

My impetus for going was that many years ago, my friend Jim and I talked about writing a musical version of the 1966 film "Manos" The Hands of Fate. We didn't get much work done on it at all because I moved to New Jersey and stayed there for eight years, and when I moved back last summer, we never did resume our work, so we were beaten to it. Also, my wife is taking classes at Second City, and her instructor recommends taking in as much improv and silly theater as possible.

So what was wrong with the show? Well, several things. First of all, the theater stinks...literally. Seriously, when we walked in, the first thing that came to my mind was, "Yikes...it smells like New York in here."

Second of all, the writers of this live production felt it necessary to add a "narrator" character, whose job is apparently to provide (sung) recaps of the action that's happened so far, and while the ignorant contents of the narratives are quite amusing at first, they ramble...for too. damn. long. We get the point already!

Third, it was obvious that the purpose of this production was to just get some cheap laughs
by making fun of the movie itself rather than let Harold Warren's unintentionally funny script and directorial vision get the laughs. As a result, the acting was, for the most part, intentionally bad, and the intentional badness was quite distracting. The script was based on the acting rather than the actual script itself.

Fourth, the ending was quite poorly done. After Torgo is massaged to near-death and has his hand burnt off by The Master (who stole the show easily, by the way), the show ends with a very strange film that was very difficult to understand because the picture was so dim that you couldn't see a damn thing, and the volume was turned down so low that if you so much as breathed a bit too heavily, you couldn't hear it. After the film, and some drunken pleading from the "narrator" to end the show Broadway style, the cast -- all of whom are in Torgo costumes -- comes out and ends with a Les Mis parody. That's right -- Maggie and Debbie don't become The Master's wives...although I can't fault the writers for that, as "disturbing" doesn't even begin to be an appropriate way to descibe the original ending. (I realize now that I might have the end a little bit out of order, but I'm not sure; that just proves my point that had this production been done well, I'd be able to describe the ending more accurately.)

Fifth, the songs weren't really any good. A good musical has many songs that, upon hearing once, you can remember 'em on your trip back home. No showstopping musical numbers, either.

Sixth, Torgo didn't convert very well to the stage. Any Manos aficionado knows that Torgo is a satyr and in the movie has cloven hoofs (hidden in the MST3k version by the theater seats), but he wore shoes in this production. The actor portraying Torgo actually played the part quite well, although I don't think he portrayed Torgo creepily enough. He seemed too...clean, I guess. And there wasn't nearly enough use of, as Crow T. Robot called it, "the haunting Torgo theme." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to remember in the movie that we hear the music practically every time Torgo walks; in this production, however, it was used only twice, both in the same scene.

Seventh, there was too much use of profanity. Don't get me wrong -- to me, using the word "shit" is just as legitimate as using the "feces" -- it doesn't mean anything different; it just has a different etymology ("feces" being from the upper-class language of Latin; "shit" from the low-class Anglo-Saxon language, which is why it got such a negative connotation over the centuries). My wife explained it better, I think: "Hey, let's use the word 'fuck' a lot because we're North Siders and we read the Red Eye and go to the bars they talk about on MetroMix! Yeah, let's do it because we can and because we're a little theater group and we want to be silly!" Really, profane language has its place in theater -- or really any other situation -- but using it just for the sake of using it just plain gets old.

Was the show a complete waste of time? Not really. The Master, in my opinion, was the highlight of the show, with the character's unintentionally funny lines and treating his hound-of-hell dog like a puppy. The Masters' wives' bickering was an amusing duplicate of the equivalent from the movie. And we get to see Torgo's bedroom briefly, including a High School Musical poster on his wall, a calendar of kitten pictures, a picture of Torgo with President Clinton, and a word-a-day calendar featuring today's word, "plethora." (Interestingly, however, no bed -- poor Torgo was forced to sleep on the floor, and because of his knee problem, had to struggle to stand up -- when he did, the audience roared with applause.) And you gotta love this (paraphrased from memory) dialog when Torgo was arguing with The Master about the wives: "But you have a...[looks at word-a-day calendar] plethora...of wives!"

But overall, the production was kind of an insult. The greasy living-with-the-parents audience that was there that night also didn't help things, very loudly screaming in applause with every...little...thing...that they recognized from the movie, especially the "haunting Torgo theme." My impression is that some wise guy thought it would be funny to turn Manos into a musical, then very haphazardly threw a script together and tossed together some forgettable songs. And the title is misleading -- "Manos" Rock Opera of Fate is neither an opera, nor does it have any rock in it at all. DVDs are available for sale, though, if you're morbidly curious. I don't know if they're sold online, but that's what Yahoo is for; find it! I certainly don't want to waste my time looking for it.

Continuing the grid...

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:22:00 +0000

I realize that I've now been in this town long enough that I've gotten a bit more used to the north/south streets and how they're laid out on the Chicago grid, so I figured I'd continue a prior post about how to get around this town.

Also, I've given up on the bad pun attempts of titling my posts after songs by the band Chicago.

Before I go on, of course there are some weird streets...Clark Street is 100 West downtown, but makes some diagonal slants as you go north. Grand slants as you go west. Milwaukee, Lincoln, Elston, Ogden, Archer, and Clybourn are a few of the major roads that are pretty much 100% diagonal, so there's no single east/west designation. (And as a rule, diagonal streets in Chicago are considered north/south streets.) And forget about Wacker Drive -- the only street in Chicago that actually has north, south, west, AND east addresses; because of the way it curves, Wacker crosses both Madison and State Streets!

First of all, I left out some of the east/west streets south of Madison that might be important...

Van Buren -- 300 South
Jackson -- 400 South
Congress Parkway -- 500 South
Harrison Street -- 600 South
Balbo -- 700 South
Polk -- 800 South
Roosevelt Road -- 1200 South

So...here are some north/south streets and how they related to State Street, the city's east/west dividing line...

Michigan -- varies between 125 and 150 East
100 East -- Rush Street
44 East -- Wabash
50 West (1/16th of a mile west of State Street) -- Dearborn
200 West -- Wells Street
300 West -- Franklin
800 West -- Halsted Street
1600 West -- Ashland Avenue
1700 West -- Paulina Street (pronounced "paul EYE nah")
2000 West -- Damen Avenue
2400 West -- Western Avenue
2600 West -- Rockwell
2800 West -- California Avenue
3000 West -- Sacramento Avenue
3200 West -- Kedzie Avenue
3600 West -- Central Park Avenue
4000 West -- Pulaski Road
4800 West -- Cicero Avenue
5600 West -- Central Avenue
7200 West -- Harlem Avenue

25 or 6 to 4

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:30:00 +0000

Okay, so I was stumped for a Chicago song title, but since this is related to numbers, you see...

Just what's the deal with the sudoku guy in the Redeye, the free daily paper put out by the Tribune? My coworkers and I easily wipe the floor with his time, and today was really a shining example. I took my lunch break at my desk, right in the office, and I was doing the sudoku. John Williams' time: 24 minutes. My time, counting interruptions from my coworkers: four minutes.

Come on, man; if you host a sudoku show on a highly-rated Chicago radio station, at least you should be able to outdo your readers! (And yes, I just might challenge him some time.)

Why The Bears Lost Super Bowl XLI

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 02:52:00 +0000

I'm actually typing this while there is still time for a normal football team to come back from a 12-point deficit, but I know it's not going to happen. This is, well, serious. So serious that I've broken from my "name my posts after Chicago songs" pattern.

Theory 1:

Someone paid off the Bears' defense to slack off. How else could you explain their defense pattern of "Hold it....wait...Okay, he's got the first down -- NOW go after him!"??? Or "Stay at least five yards away from the intended receiver until he's already received the ball and started running?"

Theory 2:

Part A: Wrecks Grossman lives up to his name and wrecks everything.

Part B: Lovie won't replace him. Ever. Even if Grossman drops dead, Lovie will still send him out to play.

That's all I have to say about that.

Take Me Back To Chicago

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 18:04:00 +0000

It was almost a year ago that I applied for the promotion that brought me back home to Chicago after a nearly eight-year absence. Although I hadn't previously actually lived in Chicago, I had a lot to learn in terms of getting around, so I figured as a service I'd share some tips here for anybody who wants to visit this great city, or for those who frequently do but just didn't realize certain things.

The Nexus of the Universe

On the TV show Seinfeld, Kramer once referred to the intersection of 1st Street and 1st Avenue in Manhattan as "the nexus of the universe." Inspired by this, my wife refers to the intersection of State and Madison in Chicago by the same nickname. Why? Well, quite simple: State Street is the dividing line between the west and east sides. (Yes, Chicago actually does have an east side.) Madison is the north/south dividing line.

Street addresses in Chicago are very much like a rectangular coordinate plane. While the coordinate plane has its origin at (0,0), so State and Madison is the equivalent: right in the middle of the intersection would be an address of 0 East/West Madison and 0 North/South State. The north numbers increase as you go north and decrease as you go south; conversely, the south numbers decrease as you go north and increase as you go south. Same thing with the east/west numbers.

Chicago address are laid out in a grid. Just as an example, any address of 2400 North will have Fullerton, where DePaul's main campus is located, as its east/west cross street. (In other words, Fullerton Avenue/Fullerton Parkway is located at 2400 North.)

Speaking of 2400 North, Fullerton is three miles north of Madison. How do we know? Well, throughout almost all of Chicago, every 800 is a mile. Since there are three 800s in 2400, you know that Fullerton is therefore three miels north of Madison. Wrigley Field, which in case you've never seen The Blues Brothers (and shame on you if you haven't), is on Addison, which runs east and west at 3600 North. That means that there's a 1200 difference between Fullerton and Addison, so we can say that Wrigley Field is a mile and a half north of DePaul University.

Just to give you an idea of the size of Chicago, it extends to about 7800 North, about 11000 South, maybe 1800 East, and roughly 8000 West in certain areas; you can use that to calculate the mileage yourself. :)

Fine, but which streets are where?

Well, on the south side, most of the major streets are numbered -- 18th, 47th, etc. The numbered streets basically correspond to which hundred they are south of Madison -- for example, 35th is 3500 South -- so address starting 3500 South will have 35th as its cross street.

On the north side, some of the important streets and corresponding addresses are as follows:
200 North -- Lake St.
800 North -- Chicago Ave.
1200 North -- Division
1600 North -- North Ave.
2000 North -- Armitage Ave.
2400 North -- Fullerton Parkway/Avenue
2600 North -- Wrightwood Ave.
2800 North -- Diversey Avenue/Parkway
3000 North -- Wellington
3200 North -- Belmont
3600 North -- Addison
4000 North -- Irving Park Road
4400 North -- Montrose
4600 North -- Wilson
4800 North -- Lawrence
5000 North -- Argyle
5200 North -- Foster
5300 North -- Berwyn
5600 North -- Bryn Mawr
5700 North -- Hollywood
5800 North -- Ardmore
7200 North -- Touhy
7600 North -- Howard

Those all are north addresses of east/west streets. However, the east/west addresses aren't all that easy (either that or I just haven't learned my east/west addresses yet!), as many of the streets that go north and south suddenly diagonally cross -- especially Clark Street, which at one point is east of Halsted and suddenly goes WEST of Halsted! Depending how far north you are, 1000 West can be Sheffield or Sheridan. However, State Street is always 0 East/West. Cicero Avenue is 4800 West -- that's pretty consistent north and south. Ashland and Paulina (pronounced "paul EYE na") are 1600 and 1700 west, respectively.

Now, let's say you have to go to, I dunno, 5225 North Clark Street. Well, you know that the address will be north of Foster a tad, and south of Bryn Mawr by not quite half a mile. (And there just happens to be a Foster exit on northbound Lake Shore Drive!)

And no matter how far east or west you are, the numbers are all the same going in one direction. For example, no matter where you are on Diversey, a business or home on the North/South street nearest you will have an address of 2800 North, or at least something close to it, like 2805 or 2801. Like, let's say you're on North Flirzelwerp Street (a fake name - that street doesn't currently exist in Chicago!), and you're right by where Diversey crosses. That means that any building near you on North Flirzelkwerp will have an address of 2800 North Flirzelkwerp, or at least something not far off from that, like maybe 2810 North Flirzelkwerp, or 2805 North Flirzelkwerp. And let's use our example of Wrigley Field, which is 1060 West Addison. If you go half a mile due south, the address will be 1060 West Belmont, or at least pretty close to that address. A mile north would be 1060 West Montrose. That's how the grid works.

Getting Around Via L

The "L" is, for all practical purposes, the Chicago Transit Authority subway system, even though most of it isn't actually subway but elevated -- "el" or "L" for short. Only three parts are actually subway -- the Red Line and Blue Lines going through the Loop, and the Blue Line going through Logan Square, a neighborhood on the northwest side, approximately 2400 North and maybe 2800 West, off the top of my head; I'm probably wrong!

Currently it costs $2 to board any CTA vehicle -- be it L or bus -- and 25 cents to transfer from bus to L or L to bus or bus to bus. If you're going to be in Chicago for, say, a week or more and plan to see a lot of the town, I recommend you go to www.chicagocard.com and invest $25 in what's called the "Chicago Card." $5 for that is the purchase fee, and the other $20 is for CTA fare. With the Chicago Card, you pay $1.75 per ride instead of the usual $2, and if you go to a ticket machine and add $20 to your card in the form of a $20 bill, you actually get $22 credit, so it's a nice bargain. Also, the Chicago Card doesn't need to be swiped -- you can just put it in front of a special reader, and it helps you get through the turnstile faster. I just keep my card in my wallet, and I rarely have to even remove my wallet to do this -- I just sort of "bump" my wallet against the reader.

The CTA L system is, for the most part, cleaner than the New York subway system and Boston's T system, but not nearly as clean and cushy as Washington, DC's system. Unlike in New York, you can actually hear the CTA announcements. I was pleasantly surprised when I first took the Brown Line and very clearly heard recorded announcements telling me what stop was next and on which side of the train the doors will open. And the double-chime, the sound of a bell carillon, before the "Doors closing" announcement sure beats the awful off-key chimes followed by the scary "Staaaand clear of the clo-o-o-osing doors, pleeeeeeease!" you hear on the New York subway. One advantage the New York system has, though, is that it takes you pretty much anywhere, while the CTA L system basically goes north and south, and to go due west or due east you usually have to take a bus.

There are several CTA L lines, all named after colors. In alphabetical order, here are some thoughts on each line:

Blue Line -- Probably the filthiest of all the lines and one of two lines that runs 24/7. This line focuses primarily on the west side and goes through Oak Park and Logan Square. It becomes a subway in the Loop, and one of the end points is O'Hare Airport. The doors are "accordion"-style, meaning they fold inward to open; people have been injured by these doors. The stations tend to be filthy, and there was a pretty nasty derailment this past summer that resulted in numerous injuries.

Brown Line -- sometimes referred to as the "Skidmark" and was formerly the "Ravenswood" line. The Brown Line goes, amazingly enough, to Ravenswood, a neighborhood on the north side, and is the only L line that goes through the Loop counterclockwise. The Brown Line is completely elevated until the last few stops, when it's at street level. For a spectacular view of the Chicago skyline -- especially at night -- I recommend you take the Brown Line southbound, sit on the right side, and dig the view between the Sedgwick and Armitage stops. There are lots of cool destinations -- both branches of the Old Town School of Folk Music, DePaul University, the Lincoln Square neighborhood, several libraries, the restaurant formerly known as Berghoff's, and there used to be a great store called Mashall Field's that was easily reachable via Brown Line.

Green Line -- I honestly don't know much about this line other than it serves the east side, south side, and parts of the west side. From what people tell me, the Green Line goes through some, uhh...interesting...neighborhoods, and that the clientele will, well...let's just say they'll always be happy to say hi to you.

Orange Line -- If I recall correctly, the Orange Line is the newest of all the L lines (if you don't count the Pink Line, which is really a former Blue Line branch). Originally planned to end at the Ford City shopping center on the south side, there was only enough funding for the line to reach Midway Airport, its current termination. If you're observant, you'll actually see an L train that erroneously has "Ford City" showing as its destination from time to time. Nothing really exciting about this line -- it goes around the Loop, stops a few times on the south side, and ends at Midway Airport.

Pink Line -- The Pink Line is an experimental line that opened in June of 2006 and might be discontinued. It basically took over one of the original Blue Line legs and connects to Ashland Avenue. The Pink Line goes around the Loop and services part of the west side.

Purple Line -- Formerly called the "Evanston Express," the Purple Line starts in Wilmette, has a few stops in Evanston, and its first Chicago stop is Howard. On weekdays the train is then express down to Belmont, at which point it stops at all the Brown Line stops, but going clockwise around the Loop.

Red Line -- The other line that runs 24/7. The Red Line pretty much goes in a straight line north and south. The south end is 95th Street at the Dan Ryan Expressway, and the north end is Howard in Rogers Park. This line takes you pretty much to everywhere important you'll need to go. Numerous colleges are on the Red Line -- Loyola, DePaul, Truman College, and God knows what else. The Red Line has stops at both major league ball parks, and it can put you in the vicinity of Soldier Field. All the good River North restaurants are off the Red Line, as is the Magnificent Mile. There are two stops in Andersonville, one of the up-and-coming hip neighborhoods. During rush hour, a Red Line train is scheduled to come by every five minutes or less; whether it actually does is another issue. The Red Line is elevated from Howard until the Armitage Brown Line stop, at which point it dips underground and pops back up on the South Side at the Cermak/Chinatown stop.

Yellow Line -- Formerly the "Skokie Swift," this is a two-car train that goes from the Howard stop in Rogers Park to Skokie, with no stops in between; it makes you wonder why the hell anybody would want to ride the Yellow Line.

Well...that's all I have to say for now. One can only write so much in a blog entry and hope to hold people's attention.

Take The 'A' Train

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:03:00 +0000

Before I get into the gist of this entry, let me explain the superficial appearance of breaking from the pattern of using Chicago songs as entry titles. Well, Chicago did do an album of big band covers, and "Take The 'A' Train" was on it, so that's your explanation right there...although there's currently no such thing in Chicago as an "'A' train."

Back on May 21, 2006, I thought that I had discovered the loudest place in the world: under the L tracks on Diversey when a Red Line train goes by. Well...I was wrong. The loudest place on Earth is actually on Diversey under the L tracks when two Red Line trains go by. If you ever want tintinnitis, you know where to go. Anyway, I just wanted to share some thoughts on the CTA "L" system (or "el", if you prefer), which I use almost every day, starting with some complaints I have.

It's kind of screwy that the L pretty much just goes north and south. For example...I live about ten miles due east of O'Hare. If I want to take a train to O'Hare, I have to take the Red Line to the South Loop and transfer to the Blue Line...in other words, go about eight miles south, then go eight miles northwest. I know, I can take a bus, but the problem is that a bus can only go as fast as traffic allows it, and you never know what traffic will be like at any given time. Hopefully the proposed Circle Line will take care of this in part.

Also, according to the system maps and schedules, the Red Line runs "every five minutes or less" during rush hour. I'd like to believe that, but I usually have to wait at least 15 minutes for my morning train. This past Thursday, I got to my Red Line platform at 8:30am. I arrived at work at 9:35am. My train trip to work is usually twenty minutes. My train trip on Thursday was twenty minutes. In case you can't figure out my implication, I waited THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES for my Red Line train that's supposed to come every five minutes or less. No explanations on the electronic sign, no announcements from CTA personnel, nothing on the CTA web site that indicated there'd be a problem. Thanks for making me wait for a train 20 feet in the air on an 8-degree day, CTA! Way to go!

One thing I've been wondering: why is the Red Line backwards? What I mean is that it's elevated in the parts of the city that aren't exciting to look at, but it's subway in the parts of the city that you want to see? I guess maybe there just isn't enough room to elevate the Red Line downtown??

And it amazes me how many seemingly stupid folk there are that take the L trains. Take these examples:

CTA L Stupidity Example #1

Now, let me ask you something...let's say you're taking the L to a Cubs game, and almost every passenger on the train is wearing Cubs jerseys and carrying Cubs fan paraphernalia. The train comes to a stop, and everybody wearing Cubs jerseys and carrying Cubs fan paraphernalia gets off. What do you do? Do you stay in the train, or get off? Well, let me tell you what a couple of geniuses did this past summer. I was taking the Brown Line to the Old Town School of Folk Music, and I was one of few people in the packed car who did not have any Cubs stuff. The Brown Line got to Belmont, and everybody with Cubs gear exited the train...except for a coupla women who were obviously going to the Cubs game, judging from their conversation. So the other Cubs fans get off at Belmont, undoubtedly to transfer to the Red Line, which actually has a Wrigley Field stop. (Speaking of which, that's another complaint I have -- why do the Sox have a Red Line stop with their NAME on it, while the Addison Red Line stop lets you off right at Wrigley Field but the Cubs don't have their name as part of the stop?) After the Brown Line pulls away on its way to Southport, one of those two women said, "What stop are we supposed to get off to get to the Cubs game?" A kid behind them overheard the conversation and said, "You should have gotten off at this last stop." ugghh...

CTA L Stupidity Example #2

This happens to me on cold days...I take the escalator up to the Red Line platform, and what's greeting me right at the top of the escalator? Why, a crowd of people trying to keep warm! Uhhh...dumbass, you just do not block the top of an escalator! Yes, it was cold out, but the station does have a heated enclosure that actually works quite well!

CTA L Stupidity Example #3

I see this every day, southbound on the Brown Line. People are on the platform obviously waiting to go to the Loop. "Okay, I need to take the Brown Line to Merchandise Mart/LaSalle Street Station/Washington/whatever...ah! Here's a train!...oh, wait...no, it's a Purple Line train; I can't take this one." Uhhmm....from Belmont to the Loop, the Purple Line makes the exact same stops as the Brown Line. Yeah, the Brown Line goes counterclockwise around the loop (and as a bit of Chicago trivia -- is the only L line that goes counterclockwise), but for God's sakes, it'll take just as long, if not longer, to wait for the train that goes in the rotation you prefer! (And come to think of it, Merchandise Mart is before the Loop anyway!)

CTA L Stupidity Example #4

People are really good at doing this at the Belmont stop: attempting to walk in front of people who are already inches away from the track. Uhhh, hello? Electrified rails below?? Maybe you don't want to walk in front of someone who's already close to the edge of the platform?

CTA L Stupidity Example #5

I don't know if this is so much stupidity as it is ignorance and annoyance, but I can't stand people who get off the train and exit through the turnstiles rather than the iron maidens. Few things bother me more than when I try to go through the turnstile to get to the platform but I can't because crowds of people are exiting there when they could go to the maidens, where people aren't trying to enter. I've missed trains because of that.

CTA L Stupidity Example #6

Again, this might be more ignorance than stupidity, but several times I've seen someone sprint up to an L platform and attempt -- and fail -- to board an L train before it leaves...meanwhile running past an open door that was right next to the top of the stairs. WAKE UP!

Why I Actually Like The CTA L Sytem

Overall, though, it's a good system...at least, coming from a guy who's used to the New York subway system. If you've taken an MTA subway, you know what I'm talking about -- filthy, rat-infested, and acoustically nightmarish. I was shocked when I first rode the L to work and was able to hear the announcements clearly! And not only were the announcements clear, but they also told you on which side the doors open! Whoa! Sure beats the muffled mumbling of MTA, although over Thanksgiving week this year I did take the subway in NYC, and they're starting to modernize some of the cars...however, I can't help but feel that CTA's simple "Doors closing!" announcement is more settling than the MTA's psychopathic clownlike "Staaaaand clear of the clo-o-o-osing doors, pleeeeease!" announcement.

You see some interesting things from the L, too. There are great views of the downtown skyline. You get a feel for where things are located. And heck, one morning on my way to work I saw a bunch of homeless people passing a joint around in an abandoned parking lot.

And let's see...I got my current car in September 2004, and from that time to about two years later I put 55,000 miles on the car from driving to work. Now, I rarely drive anywhere thanks to the L. It's nice filling up the tank once a month as opposed to twice a week.

Maybe it's not that bad that there really aren't any east-west L trains. I mean, at least the L goes to most of the important places in this city. You can get to many colleges and universities, both major league baseball parks, many downtown and uptown theaters, cool restaurants in River North, museums, and several Walgreen's locations on the Red Line. The Brown and Purple Lines will take you to Lincoln Park, DePaul (both Lincoln Park and downtown campi), both branches of the Old Town School of Folk Music, Merchandise Mart, Harold Washington Library, and at least one Billy Goat Tavern. Both airports in Chicago are L stops. The only important place I can think of that isn't within reasonable walking distance of the L is United Center.

Now, about the Red Line not coming for half an hour...well, a few days later, I got to the top of my Red Line stop at 8:43 -- I was really running late...yet I got to work on time for 9:00!

And when you take the Red Line past Andersonville, do you have to fight the temptation, when the recorded announcement says "Berwyn is next," to yell "Berrrrrrwyn?!" Believe me, I have to fight that urge with all my soul!

Finally, I'd like to announce my picks for...

BEST AND WORST OF THE CHICAGO TRANSIT AUTHORITY L SYSTEM

Best CTA rail line: Brown Line, aka "Skidmark." The trains are clean, they go to really cool places, and the southbound view of the skyline (especially on a clear night) near the Sedgwick stop is breathtaking.

Worst CTA rail line: Blue Line. Stations are filthy, and it goes through some pretty questionable neighborhoods. And so far the only line on which I heard someone saw a rat fall from the ceiling. Also, ever since the Pink Line happened, many people have reported that their Blue Line trips have come to an excruciating crawl.

Most Useless CTA rail line: Yellow Line. First of all, who the hell wants to go to Skokie? Second of all, who the hell wants to go to Skokie but not Old Orchard?

Smoothest CTA rail line: Orange Line. Makes sense, as it's the newest line, new rails. Nice zippy trip to Midway.

Most Useless L Station: Wellington. Really, nobody ever gets off on Wellington, and I don't think I've ever needed more than one hand's worth of fingers to count the number of people who board the train at Wellington. For God's sake, it's no more than a quarter mile from the next L stop, and there's nothing around there to do! Really, the rail system would benefit if they just eliminate this stop.

Most Annoying L Stop: Library-State/Van Buren. Why? Well, take one of the elevateds around the loop, and listen to the pleasant sounds of the recorded announcements:

Library. State and Van Buren is next. Doors open on the right at Library. State and Van Buren. Transer to Red and Blue Line trains at Library. State and Van Buren......This is Library. State and Van Buren. Transfer to Red and Blue Line trains at Li--

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGRGRHHHHRHRRHGGHH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!

Coolest L Stop: For me, it's a tie between the Brown Line Western stop in Lincoln Square and the Quincy stop on the Brown and Purple Lines. Western is huge and quite modern, and Quincy is old-fashioned and quite charming. A close second is Roosevelt, connecting the Red Line to the Orange and Green Lines -- it's hard to beat the Museum Campus eye candy on the walls; really nifty!

Your thoughts?

In Terms Of Two

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 02:12:00 +0000

Yes, that's right -- two blog posts in a row on pretty much the exact same subject. I realize I haven't posted to this blog in quite a while, so I figured I'd better speak up.

There will be another protest outside the former Marshall Field's on State Street on Black Friday. Unfortunately, I won't be able to go. For more details, check out www.fieldsfanschicago.org.

I still plan to put together a DVD of the September protest, although I'm hoping to get contributions from this Friday's rally to add.

Gone, Long Gone

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Sat, 09 Sep 2006 19:21:00 +0000

Well, it's gone. As of September 9, 2006, it's gone.

I'm referring, of course, to Marshall Field and Company. The green is gone. The red star is here...and it's not welcome.

But at least the name plates will stay.

Despite my cold, I decided to take a trip down the Red Line and check out the protest. I must say, it was very well run. Before things got underway, someone who I assume is one of the planners from fieldsfanschicago.org asked everybody to keep five feet from the building, to not block the entrance, and in other ways respect the normal flow of business and to keep the protest legal -- and safe. Then there was a singing of "The Star-Spangled Banner" before the march around the building began, with chants of "Field's is Chicago! Boycott Macy's!," "One-two-three-four, we won't shop here any more!," and "Two-four-six-eight, Marshall Field's is really great!"

The protest was very restrained -- there were no physical attacks, no threats, no nothing like that...just the occasional grumble, "Boo!" or "Shame!" yelled at people who walked out with a Macy's purchase. One lady walked out, showed her hands, and enthusiastically exclaimed, "I didn't buy anything!" She got a big cheer from the crowd! I heard from other protesters that someone walked out with a Macy's bag to shouts of "CRUCIFY HIM!" and "STONE HIM!"

The protest included at least one credit card cutting ceremony, and a solidaritous litany of all the stores that Federated either renamed Macy's or just plain obliterated - and that reading must have gone on for ten minutes. I do have video of it, but unfortunately it's too big to post.

It's bad enough that Federated is taking away Chicago's crown jewel...but they're also taking away someone's name -- Marshall Field almost single-handedly made Chicago what it is and what we know and love.

I really don't know what more I can say other than I'm one of many (including my wife) who will never set foot in any Macy's store -- or any other store owned by Federated -- ever. Period. I finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of living in Chicago a week ago...and this is what welcomes me.

I'll let www.fieldsfanschicago.org do the rest of the talking, along with the following pictures I took; I might throw a DVD together of the video I shot with my digital camera as well...and, of course, I'll be happy to make copies for anybody who wants one -- I do expect blank DVDs and return postage, of course; I can't afford to do it for free!

This was the first superficial indication that all was not well. Seriously, I almost welled up when I saw this...it's just not right.

Gail Heriot was handing out these lapel stickers. She gave a nice commentary on NPR, and you can listen to it here.

Many Chicago TV stations were there to cover the festivities.

There's just something not right about a Macy's being on the same street as the Chicago Theater.

Being 31 years old, I was concerned that I might be the youngest, not having had a heck of a lot of opportunities to be a true die-hard Macy's shopper...until I saw these two protesting.

It was also refreshing to see people closer to my age speaking out!

This really nice lady posed for me with a Marshall Field & Company book she told me she's had since the '50s. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good look at what exactly kind of book it is -- I'm guessing some kind of a planner. If anybody knows, feel free to comment or otherwise drop me a line.

These protesters were across the street, which explains the grainy quality of the photograph. The green receptacle was for the Macy's credit card cutting ceremony. The gentleman's sign simply reads, "Honk for Field's."

This CTA bus driver enthusiastically -- and repeatedly -- honked his horn in support of the protesters.

Someone who I believe was one of the leaders, most likely from fieldsfanschicago.org, of the protest, with coverage from Channel 2...

Easily my favorite sign from the protest -- and I heard others share the same feelings! This gentleman was wearing a T-shirt from NewAthens.org.

I saw this sign in one of the Marshall Field windows. I had to point it out to several people for its unintentional irony.

The front and back of this ex-customer's sandwich board recall Marshall Field's original slogan.

A WMAQ camera captures a protester's Marshall Field's shopping bag. (Not pictured: the customer's shopping bag.)

Another TV camera, this one placed inside the Marshall Field's building, gets footage of a protester throwing himself onto a store window, showing off his anti-Macy's T-shirt from NewAthens.org. (Pictured: me, taking a picture of this dude, in the reflection of the window.)

This is another one of my favorite signs I saw at the protest. It's hard to read -- I apologize for the blur, but this was the only picture I was able to get of it -- but here's what it says, in case you have a hard time reading it: "THANKS, FIELD'S for the greatest store, Art Institute, Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, Univ. of Chicago, Merch. Mart...THANKS, FIELD'S for Frangos, Walnut Room, 28 Shop, Glamorama, Tiffany dome, Chicago designers' showcase, Christmas windows...NO THANKS, MESSY'S. WAY NOT TO SHOP. BOYCOTT MESSY'S & BLAHMINGBALE'S [sic]." (See what I mean about Marshall Field nearly single-handedly shaping Chicago?)

I wonder whether anybody else noticed how foreshadowing this Christmas shopping bag unfortunately was. (In other words...Can you spot the picture of Terry Lundgren, who is effectively stealing Christmas from many Chicagoans?)

Another of my favorite protest signs (despite the grammar error), along with a couple of others. The "naked" sign belonged to one of the younger, and more vocal, protesters.

Being a Beatles fan, I just had to get a picture of this sign.

A few opening remarks...

Before the march...

About two hours into the protest, Monster Energy comes by in a pickup truck and offers water and energy drinks to the protesters. In the video, one of the leaders with the bullhorn asks the predictable question about Federated affiliations; my voice is the one that demands that the Monster folk taste the drink first. 8)

Several protesters engage in a conversation regarding Macy's, the fate of Frango, et al.

After about 11:00am, a disturbing announcement is made.

At this point I have posted all the video files I'm able to post. Check back for DVD details.

Wish I Could Fly

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:15:00 +0000

Ever been to O'Hare International Airport? What? You have? Good.

Who is that guy who's on those recorded announcements? My wife and I want to start a fan club for him. Right now, we just refer to him as "the O'Hare guy."

Why? Because this guy's voice is pure Chicago. He's got such a stereotypical regional accent that it's shocking the announcements don't end with, "Daaaaa Bearsss." You can hear the mustache. You can hear the tinted glasses. You can hear the hair of no particular style. You can hear the brat gut. And as my wife says, you can even hear the Bears parka he's obviously wearing.

So...what recorded announcements do I mean? There are three of 'em. One starts, "Attention, passengers: it is illegal for transportation companies to solicit rides at the airport, or..." Another one begins "In order to expedite..." and mentions something about magnetometers. I don't know how the third one begins, but it ends "Thank you for flying United and United Express." The announcements, as far as I can tell, play in all the domestic terminals; I don't know about the international terminal(s) though.

Here's the complete O'Hare Guy Collection:

"For those customers connecting to a flight on the C concourse in Terminal 1..."

"In order to expedite the security checkpoint process..."

"It is illegal for transportation companies to solicit rides at the airport..."

O'Hare Guy, we salute you!

What's This World Comin' To?

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:12:00 +0000

First, Montgomery Ward goes out. Then the Mammoth Music Mart. The Berghoff closed and later reopened in a limited capacity. Marshall Field's is going to turn into the worst, filthiest department store ever (and believe me, I will be at the protest). So it only follows, of course, that a new law passes:

It is now against the law to sell foie gras in the city of Chicago.

Yup, foie gras is now a controlled substance. They've banned food, for God's sake. I guess it was to appease the animal rights people, which I can dig -- the way foie gras is, uhh...perpared...is pretty cruel.

But it does sound kind of silly. Imagine...foie gras on the black market...foie gras dealers on the streets ("Hey -- this is premium stuff! Pure! Direct from Normandy! This is goooooooood shit!")...selling foie gras over the border in Bedford Park...

Restaurants are allegedly going to offer it for free with certain entrées, as the law specifically bans the sale of foie gras. Enforcement of the law will supposedly be low-priority, too.

Ridiculous law? Probably...but the thought of eating goose liver -- or any liver, for that matter -- just doesn't appetize me.

But for crying out loud, it's bad enough that we're not allowed to protest naked in the streets of Chicago unless we're under 17 years of age and have a permit...but now we can't sell avian livers. What next?

Beginnings

noreply@blogger.com (dauber) — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 20:00:00 +0000

I've noticed lately that my original blog has a plethora of posts that are very Chicago-centric, so I figured hey, blogs are free, why not dedicate one entirely to my adventures in Chicago?

I'll definitely be posting pictures of things I happen upon in this great city, so it's not just going to be a blog of ramblings of a maniac. All I know is that in a few weeks I'll be fulfilling a lifelong dream of living in Chicago, and I just need to document it.

Just to answer a few questions before they're even asked:

Sox or Cubs?

Oh, come on, everybody knows the answer is Cubs.

Is it anything like New York?

Well, it's a big city. That's about it. It doesn't have the pushiness, the pollution, or the urine scent that New York has.

White Hen Pantry or Walgreen's?

Walgreen's.

And of course, ways to tell that you're from Chicago or the surrounding area -- you can identify what is/was being advertised with the following lines:
- "I've got something for yoooooooooooooooou!"
- "...at York and Roosevelt Roads....where you always save more money."
- "Better carpeting for less, call NAtional 2-9000 NAtional 2-9 [sound of phone ringing] thousand!"
- "Rock-a-bye your bay-beeeeeeeeeeee! Hi, I'm _____ _________, your singing Ford dealer!" (those of you who are reading this but aren't natives of Chicagoland -- I am not making this up!)
- "We're a part of Chicago, Chicago's channel _."

I'll end this post by saying best of luck to those victims of last summer's countrywide takeover of oldies stations by a certain corporate name that's a slang term for masturbation. You guys deserve so much better. It's bad enough that they stuck you in cyberspace for a year, but then they had to flat-out fire you.