Wish I Could Fly

Ever been to O'Hare International Airport? What? You have? Good.

Who is that guy who's on those recorded announcements? My wife and I want to start a fan club for him. Right now, we just refer to him as "the O'Hare guy."

Why? Because this guy's voice is pure Chicago. He's got such a stereotypical regional accent that it's shocking the announcements don't end with, "Daaaaa Bearsss." You can hear the mustache. You can hear the tinted glasses. You can hear the hair of no particular style. You can hear the brat gut. And as my wife says, you can even hear the Bears parka he's obviously wearing.

So...what recorded announcements do I mean? There are three of 'em. One starts, "Attention, passengers: it is illegal for transportation companies to solicit rides at the airport, or..." Another one begins "In order to expedite..." and mentions something about magnetometers. I don't know how the third one begins, but it ends "Thank you for flying United and United Express." The announcements, as far as I can tell, play in all the domestic terminals; I don't know about the international terminal(s) though.

Here's the complete O'Hare Guy Collection:

• "For those customers connecting to a flight on the C concourse in Terminal 1..."


• "In order to expedite the security checkpoint process..."


• "It is illegal for transportation companies to solicit rides at the airport..."

O'Hare Guy, we salute you!